EL1TE
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Post by EL1TE on Apr 2, 2014 14:45:34 GMT -8
Before i go on to bore you with this story you don't wanna hear
Just know that reaching out to you was what it took to get here
Lets be clear, i can be an asshole or i can touch your heart
but you gotta gimme a signal to show me where to start
My whole career i wanted to get you people to listen
when you didn't, i was bitchin, pissed off and started dissin
& you witnessed it all in front of your eyes, somethin i never envisioned
the guys thought it was funny, the women didn't
them bitches were sickened the minute i started spittin
then i thought it was 'cause of my pigment
Parents wouldn't let their kids listen under their vision
Soon as I heard that, i flipped my shit
Shitlists became the illest
Everything on my wishlist was bullshit, these children thought i was kidding
But my talent was somethin they were missin out on
But i can't find that talent now, so its a mission im out on
I'm trynna find it, diggin through dirt and mud
But really im digging my own grave, look what ive become
An anger kid who lost his father and takes it out on his peers
and then wonders why later on they are no longer here
Take this game, i hate this local fame
It's changed the i am, something that i wont tolerate
I try and concentrate but then i get stuck in this pace
and these multi syllable rhymes become a disguise for this fate
Feel like im bout to faint, don't let me go..
Don't let me go.. the shows over...
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Dark Sky
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Post by Dark Sky on Apr 2, 2014 17:11:35 GMT -8
This is a decent piece, I see your getting more into topics/storytelling rap which will do nothing but force you to elevate your rapping by making you use more literary elements in your rapping. But back to your piece its noce, I like it, just work on your multis, either I'm skipping over them or they aren't there. But I think your writing would be a lot better if you could work in more multis and internals, but overallthis is decent Keep writing and stay blessed.
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EL1TE
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Post by EL1TE on Apr 2, 2014 17:26:26 GMT -8
Thanks for the feedback. I may have said this before, but when im in a storytelling state of mind, i usually try to let the ready understadn teh story easily, and let them take it in, so if the llyrics are more simple, it's easier to take in. stay up man
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X
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The Boss HOF Moderator The Original
Murkin U
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Post by X on Apr 2, 2014 19:23:28 GMT -8
HIP HOP CULTURE
This is dopish homie I always enjoy readin your shit famz makes for a good sit down and piece of mind. You can def storytell homie, Keep up the great work and cant wait to read more from ya pimpin...
DIMEZ
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EL1TE
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Post by EL1TE on Apr 3, 2014 11:30:23 GMT -8
thanks homie
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